I'm torn because I like her and I want to help her, but I also don't want to expose myself and end up hurt, or just end up being used as some kinda rebound shoulder to cry on guy.
Last edited by NooYowkur81; at I'm not lost, I'm exploring! No one is perfect in this day and age. Financial troubles she can get herself out of in time. How much more do you think you'd be hurting her if you rejected her because of it? Quality in a sucessful relationship, would be if the partner was more interested in where you two as a couple were heading into the future, rather than being so wrapped up in what she had to go through in her past.
Some things get better over time and love and trust. If you like her, then support her, rather than running her through your laundry list of reasons why she might be setting off alarms in your head and ditching her just because not "every" possible aspect of her nature is genuinely appealing or convinient to you at the time.
I'm not telling you to stay with her and tough it out I would go to great lengths to emphasize NOT to stay with her, if you can't accept her as an entire package. I'm sure there is someone out there who can and will. When you say "recently" just how recent are you talking? I was a woman with some baggage when I entered my latest relationship but I didn't make it that any of his concern. Those were my issues and because I liked him enough, I didn't want to weigh him down.
I wanted him to get to like and know the best part of me. I know we all have our "baggage" of some sort so i don't want to throw her under the bus either.
I would be concerend if it consumes her and the relationship you are trying to start. Everybody has some type of baggage to deal with.
6 Helpful Tips On How To Love Someone With Emotional Baggage | Thought Catalog
You just recently started going out with her so you need to get to know her a little better before giving up. She may or may not be able to handle another relationship right now depending on why she got out of the other relationship I would take it slow, maybe put a time limit on it, like 3 months and go from there. Originally Posted by dixierox. Originally Posted by NooYowkur Like I said I'm torn because I do like her, and part of me thinks she's worth a gamble. It's only been a few weeks. It's still very very early. I can easily pull away. I have to disagree with the rest of the people here.
There is baggage and there is baggage. Living with a depressed person is a downer and not worth it. If you were married, that would be different - for better or for worse.
Carrying a Torch
But why chase trouble. She sounds very troubled - may be bipolar. If that is the case, there are meds, but she has to take them forever. The best case scenario: Don't marry; see how it goes. Your wanting to run away is a wake-up call. Never ever ignore those wake-up calls. If you bury them in the sand, you will be miserable. They won't go away. I am going to have to agree with Lillietta.
There is some baggage which is not as troublesome as other types of baggage. I came into my marriage with little baggage whereas hubby had his fair share in addition to money issues. I have known this guy for two years now. We started off as friends, had a bit of a romance, then broke up and we are now starting to be friends again.
I feel like I was always the one who was more invested in the relationship.
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So my question is, how do I support him with that kind of a baggage as a friend now? How can I make him understand that even though we are starting fresh, we still have a past and some things could come back to us in the future unless we solve them now? And how can I maintain my confidence and self-respect now and not get emotionally swept away again, like I did before? We have come far and I never thought it would be possible to try and be friends again after a romantic history, but I also want to avoid making the same mistakes I did before.
What should I do? What does it matter if you guys have a history? Yes, maybe bad things happened to him in his past that effect him. Or maybe he just said they did as an excuse to avoid getting closer than he wanted to get. For some guys, it could take weeks, for others, years. The important factor here is that you give the guy space. Guys generally avoid emotional conversations at all costs — in fact, a lot of guys would rather be single and alone than have to deal with emotional conversations.
So to make the first major answer explicitly clear: The other side of what I wanted to address and I actually believe this is your biggest concern is: Again, my perception is that deep down inside, you want a second chance at love with this guy. It comes down to one thing: Does he want you enough… or not? I know some world-class baggage superstars that immediately get their stuff together when a girl appears that they want a relationship with.
When you really let this sink in, you will realize that you never have to worry about being swept away by your emotions again. The only way you could possibly have a problem with getting carried away by emotions is if you build up a fantasy future. For your situation… if you want to have a friendship with this guy, you have to stop feeding the ideas that you have a relationship with him. I can put this article in reverse since a lot of things happened to me causing me to have a lot of issues.
If a guy would pull the plug to early, I would not step up and do something about that. But if he would wait a couple of months more in total we are speaking or more than a year , I would do something about it. Is this the same for guys or not? The thing is, I have a lot of issues too.
He has issues, according to friends that tried to help him in the past, he has troubles with opening up. He is the one that shares before me. So I know that. I have the kind of issues that make me emotionally unavailable myself.
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But because we were friends first, it kind of came like a surprise to me. I adore this guy. I told him in the past that if he wanted to talk, that I would hear it. A month later, he opened up. We became closer and closer. And I know I have to listen to that. But for the first time in 30 years, I felt something.
I can not let that go so easily. Also, because I would lose my friend. I have my answer.